So it's been a long time since I've written and I'm coming up to another speaking opportunity with my youth... Right now I'm in VA at my parents house wanting to escape the reality that is my life for about 2 seconds, try to catch my breath and go back to PA with hope that I can (with God's strength) get through this season in my life without loosing my witness or my sanity. I want so badly to do what God has called me to do, but right now I just feel stuck... Like maybe I missed something or I didn't do what I was supposed to do, I'm not sure. I'm fighting to stay above water right now and this sucks. Why I feel the need to share this with you all I have no idea... maybe I'm hoping that someone has a word for me, some sort of insight as to God's will. I certainly didn't picture 25 being like this. Part of my saddness is that I feel that the Lord wants me to preach about Heroes to my kids on Wednesday, about being Heroes to their generation, yet I'm afraid I'm more challenged by the thought at this point. Am I a hero to my generation? Do heroes ever know that they're heroes? Can one person really discipline themselves enough to live above the standard that this current world is setting before them? I certainly hope so, and I've kinda put in my head that I may not be where I want to be now, but I know who to ask directions from... I just hope I haven't missed my opportunity. I'm afraid this installment isn't the most encouraging from me, but maybe the thought of being a hero will challenge some of you... I know it challenges me. Hey Chilly, do you ever feel unworthy to preach something God has laid on your heart? What do you do?

~Holding on with all my might

Kimberly

Now, knowing what you're supposed to speak on and communicating that subject are two very different ordeals. I learned a great many things about myself this past wednesday night. I learned that when I'm not funny, that throws me way off and I just can't do that., And that sometimes the effects of our words aren't seen right away. But I loved it just the same. I was thinking earlier today about how I didn't feel as though I communicated my best on wednesday night, (and I am a perfectionist when it come to stuff like this) but I said all of what I thought I should say, and the cool thing is, I'd do it again.

So many times in life, we try something and if we miss it, or if it doesn't go the way we think it should have, we quit. We give ourselves the poop talk (not to be misinterpreted as the "pep talk") and just let it go as if we didn't have the "talent" for it anyway. I am one of those people. I'm not competative and if someone else wants to win more than me, I will gladly step out of the way. Call it what you may, but it's part of my personality. Except this time, when I was going over in my head maybe I'm not ready to preach, or have a youth ministry of my own someday, I decided just to shut that part of my brain down and listen to God's voice.

You see, on our own strength we can't do it. I know I can't. But God believes enough in me to call me to do this, so who am I to say He's wrong? I just have to remember where my strength and guidance come from. I am so thankful to God for all He's done in my life. I'm not perfect, but I am forgiven and mercy falls anew with every ray of sunshine... wow! What an amazing God! So may I encourage those of you, who feel like you can't go on, or shouldn't, or to those who just wanna quit. Rest in the arms of the Almighty, trust that He loves you and cares for your life, and know that His plans are for your good... "the journey we walk is not always made of paved roads." I'm not sure if someone needed to read this, or if I just needed to get it out, either way, thank you Jesus for your love! And thank you all for listening.

                                                        Camp DAZE

    Oh my gosh! I just got back from Potomac district camp, and it was incredible! I'm about 9 feet tall now and I wear a size 2 pants due to all the stretching but it was amazing! It was held at a new camp site this year, and I have to say, in the begining, I wasn't too thrilled about being there. I'm used to the old camp, the old smell and the fact that I knew the inns and outs of the old campsite.

When I pulled into the new parking lot I couldn't help but feel sad and a little dissapointed to be there, but I kept reminding myself that camp wasn't amazing just because of the place. I walked in and saw all those familiar faces, (with a few missing) and felt a little more at ease, but not much. It really was a battle being there. This meant that I now had to pay attention to the camp tour to find out where everything was... and then I saw the "HILL." A huge hill seperated the dorms, cafeteria, and tabernacle; basically all forms of life, from the sports field and gym! Now I'm not talking "a brisk walking hill", I'm talking, "If I'm not up there by sundown send a search party because my rope broke" type hill. But again I tried to remind myself that it wasn't about the place....

Then my kids arrived. Red, yellow,black (a lot of black, so great!) and white, they came. And they hated each other and being there. "I don't like this new place." "Miss Kim, can I call my mom, I want to go home", "Ugh, tell her she bes' not be talking to me like that!" "Miss Kim, Ima hurt somebody!" "Oh I can't stand her!" Yes folks I had junior highers and they were not happy. So what do you do when you're trying to muster up enthusiasm for a place you're not thrilled to be at in order to keep peace between girls, who on a much more magnified scale, are feeling about the same as you?  You would pray right? Yea, well that thought didn't dawn on me until Tuesday evening when God just broke my heart for these kids. I had all the troubled kids, the ones that no one else wanted. And I'm sad to say that I probably wouldn't have picked them either. I like the nice kids, the ones who like being there, the ones who inspire me with their hearts for God. But I didn't get them this year.

 They didn't like the games, they loved boys and they were ready to fight... all the time. Authority was a curse word to them, and I was the dreaded adult. So I prayed. I prayed when I woke up, (God give me strength) I prayed at meals, (please don't let this kill me) and I prayed with them, (God give them peace) and finally, I loved them. My girls, my independant yet completely dependant girls. I grabbed each one, looked them in their eyes and whispered, "You are beautiful and I love you!" I held them when they were angry, I held them when they were sad and I prayed my guts out at the altar, for whatever they needed.

  Then it happend, thursday night during the altar service. Every last girl that had some sort of beef with another was crying and embracing each other, asking for forgiveness and proclaiming their love despite earlier actions. Our team came in dead last, we didn't win any of the games, and even if they had an award for "best sportsmanship" we certainly would not have won that either. But what God did in their lives last week is a greater reward than even I had sense to pray for.

I left still not so thrilled about the new site, but assured that God would always show up and feed those who are hungry, free those who were bound, love the unloveable and do the impossible. As I write this entry I can't help but compare myself to the Israelites in the desert, not sure of this "new" place in which we're heading towards, remembering the old times and how great they were, in all of their safety and familiarity. I'm humbled at this thought. John May encouraged the kids on Friday morning from Joshua chapter 1, where God says "Be strong and courageous, and take the land..." John said that to encourage the kids to lay hold of what God had done in their lives that week and stay strong, I take it now as my encouragement, that God will never take something that you love, unless He's got something greater. And that sometimes we have to give Him our fake pearls, so that He can give us a strand of greater value.

So maybe I should update... Life is well, friends are of God... I have no idea what I'm doing with my life, but it's in God's hands anyway right? One question, can anyone give me their definition of CONSECRATE (Chilly, I'm countin' on ya) Have an amazing Wednesday!

Vision...

 "Without a vision, the people perish..."

  Why is this so? What is so important about vision, and sight... and how the heck can people die without it. Well, there is normal sight which allows us to see. With our eyes we view appraoching danger and beautiful things, and can see them at the same time. Then there is "vision". Vision is what we see with our mind's eye, the gift and sense of what we live for, something greater than ourselves. Vision equals hope, we live for vision because we believe that there is a purpose for our lives and we "see" our destiny.

I'm writing this today because I experienced a miracle. I went to the eye doctor this morning for a routine eye examin, and soon found myself being rushed to a specialist becuase I had a lot of pressure behind my eyes. My mother has early signs of glaucoma and the doctors were concerned that I had it too!  I began to tear up, "I can't have glaucoma" I told myself, and I began repeating in my head, "I will believe the report of the Lord." I called my roomate and she quickly called our pastors to pray. When the specialist came in I told her right away that I had people praying for me, so I wasn't going to accept the "glaucoma" report. She smiled and then excitedly said, "I totally believe in the power of prayer, science has proven it's effectiveness." Faith can move mountains people!!!! So she ran all the tests and came back... "I'm not going to say you have early signs of glaucoma, because you don't. It's just a little extra pressure around your eyes, we want to keep a watch on them, so come back in a few months for more tests." My doctor had agreed with  my faith statement!

   A huge fear of mine is to be blind. Physically and spiritually. I have seen the miracles of God and am a testament to them! I live my life with a vision of the path that God has laid out for me, and I love being able to physically see how far I've come.